Monday, December 17, 2012

Royal Updates

Most Fascinating MBE Recipient of The Year :

April Ashley who was Britain's first transgender model received her MBE from Prince Charles at Buckingham Palace. Looking for all the world like a Dowager Duchess straight from the set of Downton Abbey, Ashley received the honour for her services to transgender equality.

Ashley married Lord Rowallan in 1970 but the potty peer was granted an annulment on the claim he didn't realise April was once a Liverpudlian sailor.

The Shuttle once accompanied Ms Ashley to a Berkley Square Ball where she kept the late Princess Margaret occupied in conversation whilst we assisted pop singer Marilyn over the fence.
Ashley says she had a string of Hollywood lovers including the late Michael Hutchence. On the night of the Berkley Ball she snared a handsome young city  type gent and had her way with him in the Shuttle's Fulham living room. As we escorted him to the door when he left to go to his city bank job in the morning he asked:"I know she's famous, what is her name again?"... " oh yes she was a James Bond girl,.just tell you pals at the bank you've been banging April Ashley all night" we replied.

Wackiest New Political Party

Proud Monarchist , the fragrant David Flint has announced the launch of a new political party CANdo to bring back capital punishment, a tougher line on refugees and all the other policies of the US Tea Party.
Confirmed bachelor Flint also wants a referendum on gay marriage and has voiced his support for wacko Senator Corey Bernardi who reckons legalising gay marriage may lead to bestiality and other such outrages.

Flint has been joined in his endevour by right wing mining magnate Hugh Morgan and our favourite shock jock Alan Jones who was recently ordered to apologise to the Muslim community on his radio program by ACMA which co-incidentally Flint was forced to resign from when he was head of the media watchdog and was discovered writing passionate  letters of support to Jones whilst he was being investigated by ACMA during the infamous Cash For Comments scandal.

""I've been called a perma-tanned Indonesian-born blow-in" says Flint of his critics. Indeed, the Shuttle well remembers a much younger Flint blowing into the infamous Paddington gay pub the Windsor Castle when he was just a mere lad.
Best Diplomatic Appointment

Bringing style back into diplomacy. It seems almost certain that Vogue supremo Anna Wintour will be appointed by Barack Obama as the American ambassador to the Court of St James.

Other famous Ambassadors to Britain include Australia's Sir Les Patterson !