Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Looking At Jedward's Crotch(s)

Who could forget their appearances on Britain's Got Talent, as much as we tried. The god awful Jedward, John and Edward the Irish twins who sang out of tune, danced awkwardly like marionettes and basically were just plain bad.

They've had the last laugh of course and have gone on to make millions with the help of Louis Walsh who recognises a money spinner when he sees two. And they really are quite likable in a cringe worthy way.

Now pop impresario Simon Napier-Bell has weighed into the debate with a look at Jedward's trousers, on the outside but with a few comments on what may lay within.

Napier-Bell  has launched many show biz acts in his day including some who have gone on to become legends. Like Marc Bolan and T-Rex and Wham with superstar George Michael.

He also wrote a few songs-one You Don't Have To Say You Love Me was a mega hit for Dusty Springfield and Elvis Presley and which along with Big Spender is still a favourite of drag queens the world over (Napier Bell grumbles that he never receives royalties from the drag acts)

His piece on Jedward is for the  Huffington Post and he descibes them as like "asexual Teddy bears"and gives us an amazing insight into acceptable trouser crotch levels and heights as seen in the world of rock and pop. Not unlike Vogue's Anna Wintour issuing a decree on hem levels. It should  become required reading for anyone intent on cracking Britain's Got Talent or X Factor and as Napier-Bell is in constant demand to judge pop talent quests around the world he probably knows what he is talking about.

Regular Shuttle readers may re-call we acted as a bit of a host when Simon Napier Bell visited Sydney in 2009 and ferried him to and fro to various media interviews.
Simon Napier-Bell
 One, with top TV daytime host Kerri Anne Kennerley left her reeling when she asked him what was  most outrageous thing that happened in the world of rock management and he replied-"possibly when David Bowie said he would let me  f*ck him if I would manage him". Fortunately for Napier Bell he didn't take Bowie up on the offer particularly as at the time the Thin White Duke was notable for his rotting green teeth.

Napier-Bell spends most of time commuting between a sumptuous villa in Thailand and the UK and USA where he hosts a radio show and lectures while writing some best selling books in his spare time.

KAK- shocked
His Black Vinyl White Powder is considered the definitive history of rock and pop from the 60s to the 90's and was required reading on the British school curriculum.

I'm Coming To Take You To Lunch is a rollicking read about his adventures as he attempts to (successfully) negotiate with Chinese party officials to have Wham as the first ever international pop act to appear in China, nipping in the bud the ambitions of Freddie Mercury and Queen. At the time it was one of the most talked about events on the planet.

Simon Napier-Bell is writing regular features for the Huffington Post which can be read here.
 At Simon's website you can find more about his books.
Here is Elvis with You Don't Have To Say You Love Me :