Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Brickbats and bouquets from the mailbag

Inspired by Shuttle reader fawaz2002 (see below) who declared his desire to plaster his precious bodily fluids upon the face of tSS we though we might share some of the many emails we receive in an occasional new series:

From **** ( Sammy ---------)
Date  Thurs 1 Oct 2009  01.23am
Subject  your blog

Dear Oscar,
"what a load of wankers you write about. Who in the hell are they ?"

Dear Sammy,
It's true-we believe that possibly something like 99.999% of people we write about are wankers-or to use the correct word-masturbators.
In fact we hope they do indulge in that pleasurable and harmless pastime either alone or with a partner. You may re-call that in 1972 the then Anglican Bishop of Melbourne declared that masturbation was now no longer a sin and acceptable (although he did qualify it as an alternative to sex with a partner outside marriage). We at tSS warmly advise you to join the ranks. As to who they are ?..well, you must read the Shuttle on a regular basis as that is our reason to turn you onto wanking and the world of wankers !..much love , Oscar

From  *******  (mindbender)
Date   Tues 3 Nov 2009  10.32am
Subject  full of shit

Dear Shit Shuttle,
"your site really gives me the shits everytime I read it."

Dear mindbender,
so you poop in your pants and then write to me to tell me about it ? Whatever. love Oscar
From ******* (Andrew ---------)
Date Wed 18 Nov 2009 17.12pm
Subject  loser

Hello Oscar,
"what a pathetic poncy website full of the biggest load of crap I've ever read. I bet you've never had a real job or been near a real newspaper in your life. You sound like some sad loser sitting in his bedroom typing away and have never been anywhere or done anything. Get a life !"

Dear Andrew, are you flirting with me ?
XX Oscar

From ******* (Robert ---------)
Date Wed 25 Nov 2009 10.22 am
Subject The Social Shuttle

Hi Oscar, "I'm a friend of Patrick McMullans in New York and I really enjoy your site. He sends his regards. Best wishes, Robert"

Dear Robert, how lovely to hear from you and to know Patrick has such sane sensible friends. By God he needs them if you know what I mean. But let's keep that between ourselves. Love Oscar.

From ******* (Billy ---------)
Date Tues 1 Sept 2009 12.01 am
Subject The Social Shuttle

Hi Oscar, "pretty interesting website and lots of newsy stuff. Keep it up. Regards, Billy"

Dear Billy, I love you and want to have your babies. xxxx Oscar